Why do you work out? And if you don't and are thinking about starting....why do you want to?
These may sound like silly questions, but when you think about it, they're pretty important.
I can't remember exactly when, but sometime after my head trauma, my friend Ann Marie Lam and I decided to work out together at our local Gold's Gym. More than anything I enjoyed spending time with her, and having a work out buddy kept me motivated.
I thought I was there to lose weight. Because that's what we go to the gym for....Right!?!?! But I never lost any and, at some point, because it's all a blur now, we stopped going.
It might have been because life got in the way, or because money got short. Because back then, I was spending money like there was no tomorrow, looking for little bits of happiness, that never lasted very long while managing my anxiety & depression. After all, I justified to myself many times, I deserve and need this because of what I'm going through.
Now that thread is a story for another day. But remember that I said that I never lost any weight going to the gym?
I wasn't to discover WHY that was for almost 10 years, but now I work out regularly 4-5 times per week AND I never do it with the goal to lose weight. I look at my work outs as very important and essential EXTRA CREDIT in a lifestyle journey that was made possible by nourishing my body with real food and real food nutrition.
There's a lot more to follow in this tale 59 years in the making....but guess what? As soon as I changed what I ate and how I supplemented my nutrition, I lost 50 lbs without even trying! How do you like them apples 😁😆😅😂🤣🍎🍎🍎🍎 #60daysto60 ...
Do you wish that you could see or control the future ⏳?
Well I'm here to tell you that I'm very grateful that I never had the desire to know what was going to happen, or how things were going to turn out at any point along the way ➡️
And honestly, I probably never thought about it, because even though I now know differently, my ego used to be firm in the belief that I was controlling everything, according my own personal plan for my life. Silly me 😆😅😂🤣
Having said that, back in 2000, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I started maintaining and managing my anxiety and depression with prescription drugs.
I was so grateful that they gave me some semblance of normalcy that I never questioned any of the changes that were clearly taking place such as:
1. Unexplained weight gain & puffiness 2. Carb cravings (fave binges: saltine crackers & peanut butter crackers--go figure!?!?) 3. Extreme high & lows 4. No desire to 'get busy' with my husband whatsoever. and 5. Subtle changes in my decision making process.
We're all bio-diverse, so if we were on the same medication, your side-effects might be different. But, in the end, these changes happened slowly over time. And through it all I felt powerless blamed everything on my condition, and rarely tried to rise above it. After all, I wasn't dying, I was just a bit less than I had been. At least that's the way I looked at it.
And thinking back now I don't think I was supposed to try to rise above anything at the time. I think I was supposed to walk the journey, suffer and to learn something. And hopefully I did ;) #60daysto60 ...
Any of you wondering what would possess someone to spend 60 days writing daily posts leading up to their 60th birthday 🥳?
I can guarantee you it's not for attention. And as hard as it may be for some to believe, it's not because I think my upcoming birthday is in any way special.
I AM doing this because I'm called to do it. This wasn't my idea, it was His. And I'm here to tell you that from Day 1 it hasn't been easy.
Every day, it's as if some invisible force 😈 is trying to dissuade me from getting these words and experiences on this virtual page. And you know what? That convinces me utterly that I'm SUPPOSED to do this, so I will persevere though it makes me uncomfortable to do so 💪💪💪
Even Facebook isn't cooperating LOL 😆😅😂🤣 In particular, the emojis are lagging and it's starting to damage my calm.
Suffice it to say, when you are given a great gift, it is your duty to share that experience with the world. And the Man Upstairs has made it pretty clear to me that my purpose is wrapped up in this endeavor, so I'd better get about it.
And, if I serve even one person over the next 60 days with something that they're struggling with, it will all be worth it! #60daysto60 ...
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He care for you. Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour.-- 1 Peter: 6-8 (NRSV) ___________________________
I AM a brain trauma survivor! By His mighty hand, I have defeated brain trauma! ___________________________
It's funny the things you and I forget that, with the grace of God, have come to pass, as if they mean nothing, or weren't in any way an incredible accomplishment. Because like everything in life, you CAN overcome something devastating, like brain trauma, if you ask for healing AND meet Him halfway by doing your part.
The trick of course, is knowing HOW to meet Him halfway, which is made difficult by the fact that much of this knowledge is hidden and/or not shared openly with us by our culture #truth
When I was diagnosed after my first, and utterly devastating anxiety attack, where I almost passed out at work (for REAL!), I was SO mad 🤬🤬🤬, so utterly in denial 😠 that this could be happening to me, that I dumped poor Dr. Williams, who I'd been seeing for years, like a hot potato 🥔.
Yup! And then I went searching and found Dr. Yap, whose second opinion confirmed that of Dr. W, but she framed it as having been the direct cause of the accident and that I had most likely damaged the serotonin producing part of my brain 🤯 and. like Dr. W, she recommended that I wait out that period of healing by taking meds PERIOD. She closed her comments by telling me that the brain is mysterious and there was no way to predict how long it would take for my injury to heal.
Actually....Dr. Yap's final, final comment was that she'd put me on the medication for 6 months and then we'd re-evaluate. TEN years later, I was re-evaluation free 😆😅😂🤣😐
Do you suffer from one of the many forms of depression that are often accompanied by anxiety? Are you still struggling with it, or have you overcome your depression? And if you did overcome, what did you do to make that happen? I would love to hear from you in the comments 📜or in a private message📨!
Little by little I'll tell you the strange beginning to my recovery, along with the ensuing events, relationships and actions that made the whole thing possible. You in? Fantastic!!! ...
I remember years ago reading somewhere that David Bowie 👦🎤 (God rest his soul) claimed that he didn't remember much about the decade spanning the 1970's. I remember scoffing at the time thinking: How can someone forget TEN whole years???
In retrospect, and what's likely closer to the truth, Mr. Jones (aka Bowie) probably meant that due to his rock star lifestyle, quite a bit of what went on back then was a bit of a blur 🥴😎🤩
So, I bet you know what I'm going to say next but, can YOU claim to have ever had a significant span of time disappear or simply get away from you ⏰📆? If you have, I would LOVE to hear about it privately, or in the comments below. And having said that, I will now confess that I have come to call the ten years following my car accident, ensuing brain trauma and my lexapro/apralzalom 💊💊💊 enduced haze my personal lost years.
And why do I say that? Because of all the decades of my life, the first ten years of the new millennium was a blur. I can remember specific events, good times, bad times, and periods where one day simply stretched into the next. But, more than ever in my life before, every single stinking day was operated in survival mode 🧟♀️🧟♂️🦸♀️⚔️ popping pills, and then more pills if the "I feel like I'm going to die right now' anxiety started to break through.
Don't get me wrong, I fully recognize that I COULD NOT have functioned if I hadn't taken this medication. In the short term, it was a God-send. At the time I sat in the BIG CHAIR (lol) operating a Cracker Barrel Old Country Store, we had just bought a home 🏔🏠and relocated the kids to New Hampshire. Without the meds, and sometimes even with, I couldn't regulate my emotions and even the smallest tasks, like going to the grocery store, were insanely difficult for me to do.
Only view-able in hind sight however, and abdicating no personal responsibility (because I CHOSE to take them), these medications, in tandem with our standard American diet 🥨🥞🍕🍟🍔🌭🌮🍨🍫🍭🍩 and lifestyle, not only impaired my judgement, but my then and future quality of life as well.
Now in the telling, I realize that this all sounds a little dire and ominous, but it's all true and it took me years to figure out the entire truth of it. Having said that, it ALL happened for a REASON, and all of it made me the person I am today who can come to you, vibrant, healthy, energetic, confident and EXCITED about turning 60 years old.
Are you looking forward, REALLY looking forward to tomorrow, next week, your next birthday, or turning the corner of 50, 60, 70 or even 80? I hope so, but if the answer is 'sort of' or 'not really'.....stick around 😍😉 there's 57 more days of this bad boy adventure to go! ...